I am taking some classes, including philosophy, at the NIU campus on Diehl Road, and used an axiom from Socrates to explain why I didn’t have an assignment finished: Time is what keeps things from happening all at once. At least, I think Socrates said that.

Truth of the matter is I have to work two jobs in addition to going to school part time just to afford everything. Everyone thinks life in Naperville is easy street, but circumstances have conspired against me lately and I’m doing the best I can. That philosophical excuse didn’t exactly work, but I persevere.

I came up short on cash because of my parents’ alimony situation last semester, and I wasn’t sure I could even take the two classes I wanted, which were prerequisites for classes in the spring semester. So missing that semester would basically put me a year behind where I was already. Not cool. So my mom offered for me to take a car title loan on her mini van, which suddenly made me a little less critical of that ugly ass vehicle. I had never heard of car title loans so I went online and found, you guessed it, Naperville Title Loans. I filled out the form, got an email saying we were approved about ten minutes later, and the money was in my mom’s checking account the next day.

Time was not a problem with that loan. In fact, it saved me a TON of time by allowing me to take classes on schedule.

By the way Naperville is near, Aurora, Woodridge, Bolingbrook, Romeoville, and Warrenville.

I’ve been job searching for about six months now.  In this economy, it’s pretty tough.  So my friend, Bubba, gave me some advice on what to say and not say in job interviews:

• Don’t ask if there is only one emergency exit, grin and say; ‘Boy!, I bet this floor would be in trouble if someone barricaded that.’
• Don’t constantly fidget with underwear waistband, then blurt: ‘The strawberry ones are the stickiest, don’t ya’ think?’
  
• After detailing your greatest achievement, don’t qualify with, ‘Of course I was totally hammered at the time.’
  
• Don’t claim you wouldn’t even need a day job if Al Einstein hadn’t stolen your secret patent for ’2000 Flushes’.
  
• Don’t over-emphasize your ability to use a copier.

So far, I’ve stuck with this list.  But in the meantime, I needed to make some car repairs so I could actually go on interviews, and didn’t have $600 just lying around waiting for such things.  So I looked into car title loans on the Internet and found Downers Grove Title Loans, a great, easy place to find cash fast.  Now that you can get a car title loan on the internet, there’s no need to go to some slimey store and wait around for an approval.  The funds were transferred electronically to my bank account in a day, and I was able to make those repairs happen in time for my next interview.

By the way Downers Grove is near Westmont, Willowbrook, Woodridge, Hinsdale, and Glen Ellyn.

I love my wife.  She’s gorgeous and has a big heart.  But she’s blonde and fits the stereotype.  Some of the standard jokes fit her.  For example:
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

She locks the keys in the car all the time.  We’ve had to call a tow service four times in the past six months.
Q: What does a postcard from a blonde’s vacation say?
A: Having a fantastic time. Where am I?

We planned a trip to go see my sister’s family in Fayetteville, South Carolina.  She booked a trip to Fayetteville, Arkansas.  The plane was in the air before we realized what happened.

Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: Present her with a mirror and tell her to wait for the other person to say “Hello”

This doesn’t really happen.  Or did it when she was a kid?

Either way, there is a price to pay for her being this, uh, challenged.  Changing our trip plans to the correct Fayetteville cost $1400 and ten hours of flying, layovers and connections. More than twice I’ve been caught up short on money, enough to postpone some important home and car repairs.  But I got to thinking about car title loans one such time, and the more I looked into it the more sense they made.  I decided to use Darien Title Loans — it’s a car title loan company that is all online, fast, easy, and the money is sent electronically to your checking account.

My wife asked me where we got the money to fix the roof on the garage.  I told her it was from the car.  “OK,” she said, no questions beyond that.  God, I love her.

By the way Darien is near Woodridge, Willowbrook, Lemont, Romeoville, and Downers Grove.

My wife was due to have a baby in about two weeks, and she said to me, “the more pregnant I get, the more that people on the street smile at me — why do you think that is?”

I said it’s because she’s fatter than them. Which didn’t exactly make her happy. So I had to go out and buy a “I’m sorry” gift. And this buddy of mine said it’s always gotta be jewelry when she is having a baby. Who knew? Who writes these rules?

So I took her to the Jared on E. Boughton Road. What a mistake. At the end of that visit I was $3500 in the hole. This is the price of not keeping my trap shut.

And this is when we had already maxed out on the credit cards and I’m pretty nervous about my job. So my same friend, who is sometimes bright, told me to go online for a car title loan, at a place called Bolingbrook Title Loans. It was smart advice – it was fast, easy, got my money in a day and therefore could pay off the jewelry bill and some of the medical expenses from her delivery.

She had a girl. They’re already ganging up on me. I’m doomed.

By the way Bolingbrook is near Woodridge, Lemont, Romeoville, Lockport, and Crest Hill.