I like to bring a flash light to the movies and just have all the rows move down for no reason.  I know it’s bad.  My friends think it’s funny, but my girlfriend says it “mortifies” her. She loves me.

She really got upset that time we were in the city and there was this mime guy doing his thing. I thought it was really embarrassing for him, so I stood up and did narration. She didn’t like that either.

But there is a reason she sticks with me. I’m a genius. Secretly, but a genius nonetheless. When she had a problem with money a few months ago, she wanted me to lend her $400.  I don’t have $400 sitting around, but I didn’t tell her that. I said, sure, but you will have to make me dinner every Friday night for a year as interest.  It totally worked.

I got the money off the value of my car.  I went the Wheaton Title Loans, where I got that cash in one day. So in the end, she is further convinced of my studliness and intellect, and I get a fine meal every Friday instead of me having to pay in a restaurant somewhere.

Next time someone gets out a flashlight at the Wheaton Grand Theater and asks you to move — say hi.

By the way Wheaton is near Warrenville, Winfield, Glen Ellyn, Lombard, and Naperville.

My wife has her pretentious friend and her blowhard husband from Geneva come over for dinner about every six months. I tried to fake being sick the last time but she figured out my plan when she saw I was scheduled to play golf the next morning.

Anyway, the last time they were here they were using their French they were studying in preparation for a trip there. Like we didn’t all backpack through Paris when we were in college, looking for Jim Morrison’s grave? Since we were having a barbecue I casually mentioned “dijon vu - the same mustard as before,” and they totally bought it.  Idiots.

I also laughed when I heard they never took that trip to France.  Seems like a little layoff problem got in the way. Not like any of us are immune.  I’ve been consulting now for two years since I took my package from the bank. It’s a good life sometimes, but sometimes you’re waiting on an invoice and some bills come due and you’re not sure how to pull it off.  That’s why I am quite familiar with St. Charles Title Loans.  They spot me with cash against my Lexus just when I need it.  Last time I took $4000, the time before $5000. You get the money in a day, pay your bills, then pay off that one when your own money comes in.  I’ve kept a clean credit record despite all adverse circumstances.

Take that to France, losers.

By the way St Charles is near, Addison, Downers Grove, Naperville, Winfield, and York.

I’m getting a little sick of all this fitness stuff. If you ask me, I don’t want buns of steel. I want buns of cinnamon. I’m just being honest.

Last year my husband bought me a membership at the Curves here in Geneva. And that was after he went to Chicago Home Fitness to buy “us” a treadmill. That’s the way he spends money — always on a hope and a dream. Me, I’m happy to be part of the mainstream majority in America that is overweight and comfortable with it.

But another way we’re part of the mainstream is in our household debt. It’s gotten bigger than what we’re comfortable with. So when we got hit with a home repair bill (the boiler went out), we didn’t have the reserve or cash to cover it. And I’m not the kind of girl who can take cold showers.

So on the Internet I found Geneva Title Loans. It’s a car title loan company that uses your car for collateral. That would be our minivan. I was able to get the $1200 we needed to get a new space pack heater, which is more efficient (uses less energy) in the long run. It was a good investment, and we were able to do it pretty fast because that car title loans company gets you your money in a day. After that, I sold the treadmill on Craigslist and that helped too.

By the way Geneva is near Naperville, Wheaton, West Chicago, Winfield, and Batavia.

My brother is blinded by blondes. I swear, he has dated at least half of every blonde bimbo in DuPage County. If you put them all in a room together, the noise would be bimbabble. If you told them the sky was down, they’d be bimbaffled. They all wear bimbait (short skirts, sheer blouses, etc.). He meets them at the Bimbars in Naperville.

He’s just as dumb when it comes to finances. He was all bent out of shape a few months ago because he had a major car repair bill on his Saab Turbo (it seems the Turbos cost about $5000 to replace) right when he was trying to buy a house. He was stretched really thin, didn’t want to run up big charges on his cards because of how it would affect his credit rating. Yet he was in no position to buy a new car, either.

I told him he needs to leverage his car’s value with a car title loan. He had never heard of car title loans. I sent him to Carol Stream Title Loans, because they allow you to do it online. You just enter your info, you get approved in like minutes (”like minutes,” gawd, I’m sound like one of his bimboettes!), and your money comes in the next day. He took the car right down to the shop, got it fixed, and went on a date. Waste no time blondeless.

Lucky for him he has a smart (brunette, of course) sister.

By the way Carol Stream is near Glendale Heights, Bloomingdale, Winfield, Glen Ellyn, and Lombard.