My sister is into metaphysical things. Like feeling the planets lined up, and sleeping with a crystal under her pillow. She says she talks to her cats. Claims she saw the Tinley Park  UFOs in 2005. One day, she called all excited about having an out of body experience.

I’m a little more pragmatic. Right now, I’m having an out of money experience. And no crystals, talking cats, aliens or planets are going to solve it.

Given the current adverse circumstances of my life (no health insurance, crazy family, broke my ankle), I have to be resourceful. I use the internet when I have a problem, and it’s amazing how often I find a solution. Paying the doc-in-the-box bill for my ankle was looking like a grim task.  Should I just not eat food this month, or pay for the anaesthesia? Instead, I found out my Corolla could get me a loan from a car title loans company.  Found them online, Tinley Park Title Loans. It really helped me manage this situation so I could,literally, get back on my feet.

Notice I didn’t say it helped me float. That doesn’t seem like it would be a good idea.

By the way Tinley Park  is near Country Club Hills, Matteson, Mokena, Oak Forest, and Orland Park.

I learned in music school that no one is listening until you make a mistake. It seems to work like that in life too.

I was working in a customer service telemarketing position for nine months last year, the whole time following the scripts, doing exactly as told. It was money. And then one day I get this guy on whose name was Alf.  Really, like the character in the TV show.  So I just kinda fit into the conversation something about him liking cat juice. He totally didn’t get it, but I just started that snorting kind of laugh. Totally lost it.

And of course that was one of the calls that my supervisor was listening in on. I got fired on the spot.

Needless to say, this created a financial problem, just when I had a trip planned to see a buddy in Texas.  What to do?  Ever the resourceful fellow, I went online and found a respectable car title loans store, Richton Park Title Loans. I liked how it was simple and I got my money in less than two days. That car title loan got me to Austin, where I’m thinking about moving to after this winter.

By the way Richton Park is near Matteson, Park Forest, Tinley Park, Floosmoor, and Homewood.

I’m a pragmatist. I always said the early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

We live in a neighborhood where there have been a lot of tear-downs.  On both sides of the house my grandparents lived in before I moved here are two McMansions.  Huge, ridiculous houses, block the light in the mornings.  But what are you gonna do?  Well, funny how both those places are for sale.  I think the one family is in foreclosure and wouldn’t doubt if the people on the other side are too. That green BMW seems to have disappeared from the driveway.

I’ve never made a lot of money, but I also live within my means.  But even I run into a shortfall sometimes, like this winter when the fuel bills have been terrible, and then I needed a car repair that would be $1200.  I can’t borrow against equity in my house because, for better or worse, it’s really owned by my mother.  But I can borrow against the title of my car. It’s paid for, and why not use the money from the car to fix the car?

So that’s what I did — found a car title loan through Palos Hills Title Loans.  It’s all online now.  Car title loans don’t mean you have to go stand in line in some store with bullet proof glass (eek).  I got the money in a day, enough to get the repair done and keep me working.  I really don’t know what the neighbors are going to do without their big houses and foreign cars.

If you didnt know, Palos Hills is near Oak Lawn, Burbank, Bridgeview, Orland Park, and Tinley Park.

I’m really of the opinion that he who laughs last thinks slowest.

Take my stepfather.  Please.  He tried to talk me into buying a new car last year.  Said my old Volvo, which was their car until they gave it to me when I was going to Columbia College, was looking bad in the driveway and that I should get something new.

Well, Pops, that was last year and this is this year.  My job disappeared and here I am, living back at home, with tuition to pay and health insurance and only part time income and some new tuition with classes I need to take now to get a new job. What I do have is my car, with no payments to make, and the title that enables me to borrow against it with a car title loan.  I figured this out from friend who used Orland Park Title Loans, said it was easy and he was right. I signed on, filled out a form, and found out my car could get me $2000 (I only needed $600).

Now I’m back in school, working enough to pay off that loan, and without being too obvious, laughing at my stepdad who complains his car payments are killing him.

Orland Park is also near Palos Heights, Worth, Palos Park, Tinley Park, and Chicago Ridge.

I have my favorite fat jokes: What is the best way to forget your troubles? Wear tight clothes. Why is it harder to lose weight as you get older? Because by that time your body and your fat have become really good friends. What happens when you leave an outfit hanging in your closet for a while? It shrinks two sizes.

But I lost my job late last year, and in this job market, you have to pay attention to this. A friend suggested Botox, but I really think losing about 50 pounds would be better. Besides, some of my best clothes are about 50 pounds ago.

I was short on cash as it was but decided I needed to invest in this. It’s an all out effort: I hired a personal trainer/life coach, who works with me three times a week at my new gym, Cardinal Fitness, and I’m on a prepared foods meal plan. I’ve already lost 17 pounds in six weeks!

So where did I find the cash? I have a six year old SUV, so I went online looking for car title loans. I needed about $1500 and discovered at Mokena Title Loans I could get more than that if necessary from my car title. It was perfect — easy application, fast approval, and the money arrived in one day, while I was still motivated to get moving on this. Long story short, it’s working and I’m fitting into my better interview clothes. No joke!

By the way Mokena is near Frankfort, Tinley Park, Orland Park, Midlothian, and Manhattan.

I like to golf, and here in Crete we have a couple of decent courses at Lincoln Oaks, Deer Creek and Lincolnshire Country Club. I used to golf a lot with my boss, who has four private club memberships, but that dried up when I got laid off last year. It was a downsizing, but I think it had more to do with that night we were on a trip to a convention in Atlanta and I went on my blonde jokes riff:

Q: What’s the difference between blondes and McDonald’s?
A: A blonde serves more people in a night.

Q: What happens when a blonde developes Alzheimers?
A: Her IQ goes up.

Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.

Q: What’s the guaranteed method to totally confuse a blonde ?
A: Ask her to alphabetize a King-size bag of M&Ms.

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.

I was unaware he was dumping his wife for this trophy chic he met at the Olympia Fields Country Club. Total blonde. Girls Next Door level blonde. Apparently everyone knew about this but me. Words to the wise: keep up on office gossip. It matters.

More words to the wise: know your financial options. I was coming up on some major dental work just when I got laid off. I needed about $3200, so I took out a car title loan at Crete Title Loans. My car is already paid for, I need it to job hunt AND I need a decent set of teeth if I’m going to be employable.

And in the future, I will let my boss tell all the jokes.

By the way Crete is near Tinley Park, Olympia Fields, Glenwood, Munster, and Matteson.

It’s getting harder and harder to survive in this economy. Last week my boss called me in to tell me I’m on probation. I guess I pissed off the Chairman’s admin with my response to her email THAT CAME WITH ALL UPPER CASE LETTERS IN THE SUBJECT LINE. She was asking me if I COULD FIX THE PHOTOCOPY MACHINE ASAP!!!!

My response was subtle. I just said IT’S GOOD SHE USED ALL UPPERCASE BECAUSE THE MAIL SERVICE PICKS IT UP AND FLAGS IT FOR RUSH DELIVERY, and YEAH, BECAUSE THERE’S ELECTRONICS IN A PHOTOCOPIER WE’RE COPIER REPAIR PEOPLE TOO.

Perhaps I could have phrased it differently.

It would suck to lose my job, in part because I live in East Hazel Crest and my job is on 183rd Street, a five minute commute. But I do have a back up in case an unemployment situation leaves me short of funds. In a pinch for money a year ago, I discovered I can get a car title loan through Country Club Hills Title Loans.

Car title loans are fast, easy and you get your money in one day. All you have to do for a title loans is to hold title to your car (no payments remaining). And you don’t have to type anything in all caps to get approved ASAP.

By the way Country Club Hills is near Tinley Park, Frankfort, Markham, Harvey, and Matteson.