I have my favorite fat jokes: What is the best way to forget your troubles? Wear tight clothes. Why is it harder to lose weight as you get older? Because by that time your body and your fat have become really good friends. What happens when you leave an outfit hanging in your closet for a while? It shrinks two sizes.

But I lost my job late last year, and in this job market, you have to pay attention to this. A friend suggested Botox, but I really think losing about 50 pounds would be better. Besides, some of my best clothes are about 50 pounds ago.

I was short on cash as it was but decided I needed to invest in this. It’s an all out effort: I hired a personal trainer/life coach, who works with me three times a week at my new gym, Cardinal Fitness, and I’m on a prepared foods meal plan. I’ve already lost 17 pounds in six weeks!

So where did I find the cash? I have a six year old SUV, so I went online looking for car title loans. I needed about $1500 and discovered at Mokena Title Loans I could get more than that if necessary from my car title. It was perfect — easy application, fast approval, and the money arrived in one day, while I was still motivated to get moving on this. Long story short, it’s working and I’m fitting into my better interview clothes. No joke!

By the way Mokena is near Frankfort, Tinley Park, Orland Park, Midlothian, and Manhattan.

Skinny people bug me. They say things like, “Sometimes I forget to eat.” Now, I’ve forgotten my keys, my glasses, my computer passwords and my mother’s maiden name. But I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.

My girlfriend forgets she that doesn’t make a lot of money. She goes into town on the Metra down to State Street and Michigan Avenue and spends like she’s from Oak Brook or something. She got into a real financial bind around the holidays, then had to buy a plane ticket at the last minute to go see her father in Cincinnati when he went into the hospital. So who had to bail her out? Me, Mr. Boyfriend, of course.

And it wasn’t like I was rolling in the pesos myself. But I have my car, paid for with cash, and I discovered that car title loans are available to guys like me. I love my girlfriend and her dad, so I got a loan at Midlothian Title Loans – it was all online, I got the money in one day, and she made it to Cleveland.

And I’ll never let her forget it.

By the way Midlothian is near Crestwood, Markham, Blue Island, Robbins, and Hazle Crest.

My sister is a nutritionist. She’s always telling me to eat more vegetables, less red meat. I told her red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

I should know about that. I was at this diner off Dixie Highway last year that you always wondered about how clean it was. I had a hamburger, no big deal. Two days later I was in the hospital with food poisoning. Bad food poisoning. Needed an IV and everything. And I had insurance through my work, but a month later I got bills from all this stuff that wasn’t covered. Man, what a bad deal that was.

It was hard to figure out how to pay for all that. But I found a way. It’s with car title loans, which allows you to borrow money if your car is paid for. It can be an old car as much as a new car. It’s based on the resale value. So I went to Harvey Title Loans, right here and online. It took me ten minutes to do, and I got my money in the next day.

That beats meat, red or green, and I’m not even going to go into the vegetables.

By the way Harvey  is near Robbins, Midlothian, Alsip, Blue Island, and Markham.

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.

And that didn’t go over too well with either of them. I thought having one here in Alsip and another in Wrigleyville in Chicago would keep them both off the trail (Alsip girl figured out that since I was a Sox fan it didn’t make sense I was going to Cubs games so much).

So at this point I have no steady girlfriends. Which is a darn shame because I have a little more time on my hands since losing my job in November. And here’s the kicker: I was carrying a Visa bill from our last trip together in October when we (Alsip honey) went to the Cayman Islands. Great trip, terrific memories, neat pictures on the computer, tan long gone. But I still owe about $1200 on that one, and my credit card company is charging me this crazy 28% interest, so I know it doesn’t make sense to carry it forward. So I got a car title loan on my Jeep, a $1200 cash advance at a lower rate from Alsip Title Loans. One of my better decisions lately.

By the way Alsip is near Midlothian, Markham, Crestwood, Blue Island, and Oak Lawn.