It’s time to give up jogging for your health when your thighs keep rubbing together and start your pants on fire.  That was my excuse for quitting the McHenry Fitness Center last year.

But now I’m on this new program that does not involve jogging.  It’s even worse, actually, because the program includes group classes three a week, a prepared meals food plan, meetings and a single session with a personal trainer twice a week.  For six months the cost is $2500, which is money I had a hard time scraping together, given that my part time job sucks and I’m looking for something better.  But I know that in this economy, you have to do everything possible to become the best job candidate, so dropping 35 pounds (my goal) could translate into a much better salary.

The only place I could find the money for this program-in which, I should mention, I’ve lost 12 pounds already-was through a car title loan.  I had never gone this route before, but the fact that I finished my car payments last year made this a viable option. I went online and found McHenry Title Loans, a car title loans company that gives you your approval in five minutes and the money arrives in a day, electronically deposited into your checking account.  Which was important, because I had the motivation to get started on this program. Had I waited, I may have lost interest.

I’m convinced it’s not only an investment in my health, it’s a boost toward getting a better paying job in a tough job marketplace.

By the way McHenry is near Bull Valley, Ringwood, Crystal Lake, Wauconda, and Grayslake.

Because I am a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).

Clearly, in the Huntley way of looking at things, we’re more Westland Golf Center than Whisper Creek Country Club. But I know how to use technology.

For example, we needed a new refrigerator last year just at a time when we realized we had no spare cash whatsoever. The housing market is a mess, so we had no ability to borrow against the house. My wife wasn’t working, and I wasn’t so sure my own job was safe. The only thing I owned outright was my truck. Which got me to thinking.

I went online at work and found Huntley Title Loans, a car title loan store you don’t have to actually go to. It’s all there, on their website. You just take ten minutes to fill out the forms and you get a near-instant approval, and the money arrives in your checking account the next day. We got the new refrigerator with that loan, and I’m able to pay it back with a little bit of part time work. Which goes to show, I’m not lazy — I just believe in technology.

By the way, Huntley is near Woodstock, Coral, Burlington, Greenwood, and McHenry.

This joke reminds me of my ex-wife:

Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: She manages to get the Pop Tarts out the toaster in one piece.

She had her good points, but cooking was not one of them. The killer was about a month before we got divorced she caused a kitchen fire frying an egg. An egg! A single, stinking egg. We went to restaurants on Thanksgiving.

So the divorce has been a little challenging (but I’m honestly eating better). She doesn’t really work, so the judge thought she needed some support. And dinners out, I guess. She got the house, the boat, the membership at Turnberry CC, and about half my income for the next three years. That’s ok, I’m fine with Crystal Lake CC. I kept the dog (for the sake of his diet).

I moved to a townhouse in Algonquin and needed money to furnish it, so I went to my bank and they turned me down. Thanks, honey pie. The credit cards are maxed out, too, so I had to get creative. The great thing is my car is paid for, so I looked into getting a car title loan. I would never consider this when you had to go to a public place and talk to someone through a plate glass window, but it’s all done online now. I chose Crystal Lake Title Loans because the application was easy and fast. My money was advanced electronically, in one day, so I could go and get some decent furniture, electronics and everything else I needed to set up a new home.

That includes a new toaster.

By the way Crystal Lake is near Huntley, Algonquin, Woodstock, McHenry, and Marengo.

Here’s my definition of marriage: A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.

Because since my divorce, I’ve lost my house, my boat (and therefore, fun on the Chain O Lakes and all chances of ever catching the Batman fish on Loon Lake) and my credit worthiness. And if I think back to those hazy days in the 1980s, I actually did start dating Angie because she had laundry in her high rise on Lake Shore Drive while I had to go to a laundromat in Wrigleyville. See, what sometimes looks like convenience is anything but.

It’s not all bad. I was able to keep her paws off my Range Rover, and that has come in handy lately. I made a bad investment last year (who didn’t???) and was short of cash for various things I needed in my new apartment. So since the Rover was paid for, I was able to go to Antioch Title Loans and get a cash advance on the vehicle. It was easy to do online, I got my money in a day, and I now know so much more: do your own laundry, and leverage your physical assets when necessary.

By the way Antioch is near Lindenhurst, Millburn, Gurnee, Grayslake, and McHenry.