My sister is into metaphysical things. Like feeling the planets lined up, and sleeping with a crystal under her pillow. She says she talks to her cats. Claims she saw the Tinley Park  UFOs in 2005. One day, she called all excited about having an out of body experience.

I’m a little more pragmatic. Right now, I’m having an out of money experience. And no crystals, talking cats, aliens or planets are going to solve it.

Given the current adverse circumstances of my life (no health insurance, crazy family, broke my ankle), I have to be resourceful. I use the internet when I have a problem, and it’s amazing how often I find a solution. Paying the doc-in-the-box bill for my ankle was looking like a grim task.  Should I just not eat food this month, or pay for the anaesthesia? Instead, I found out my Corolla could get me a loan from a car title loans company.  Found them online, Tinley Park Title Loans. It really helped me manage this situation so I could,literally, get back on my feet.

Notice I didn’t say it helped me float. That doesn’t seem like it would be a good idea.

By the way Tinley Park  is near Country Club Hills, Matteson, Mokena, Oak Forest, and Orland Park.

I learned in music school that no one is listening until you make a mistake. It seems to work like that in life too.

I was working in a customer service telemarketing position for nine months last year, the whole time following the scripts, doing exactly as told. It was money. And then one day I get this guy on whose name was Alf.  Really, like the character in the TV show.  So I just kinda fit into the conversation something about him liking cat juice. He totally didn’t get it, but I just started that snorting kind of laugh. Totally lost it.

And of course that was one of the calls that my supervisor was listening in on. I got fired on the spot.

Needless to say, this created a financial problem, just when I had a trip planned to see a buddy in Texas.  What to do?  Ever the resourceful fellow, I went online and found a respectable car title loans store, Richton Park Title Loans. I liked how it was simple and I got my money in less than two days. That car title loan got me to Austin, where I’m thinking about moving to after this winter.

By the way Richton Park is near Matteson, Park Forest, Tinley Park, Floosmoor, and Homewood.

A wise aunt of mine once said, for every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

She said that probably about a hundred years ago, and it’s still true today.  And even though she never met him, she could have been talking about my husband.

Trevor, bless him, doesn’t understand money. He just doesn’t.  He doesn’t understand that when you have a balance on your credit card, the fact you’re paying your minimum monthly balance doesn’t mean it will be paid off some day.  He never looks at the interest rate charges, the 28% on those cards that happens when he misses a month here and there.  And that just because you made a $400 payment doesn’t mean you should go out and spend another $400.

We got in debt deep lately, particularly when he was off work due to an injury.  Disability covers some, but not all the expenses.  It’s less than what he was making, anyway. So we had a little come to Jesus on this and realized we needed to find some cash to keep up his health insurance premiums. Without that, his medical expenses would be even worse.  So I looked at his car and said, let’s sell it. He of course went through the roof. Which was my ploy.

I had in mind all along to get a car title loan.  I already knew to go to Park Forest Title Loans, because my daughter said her boyfriend went there too and it worked out well.  With a car title loan, you keep the car, you just get some money that you pay back gradually.  I knew Trevor would get back to work in about two months, so I saw this as a way to get through it.  And we did.  And he now knows not to criticize.

By the way Park Forest is near Matteson, Olympia Fields, Chicago Heights, Crete, Richton Park.

The reason women over 50 don’t have babies is because we would put them down and forget where we put them.

I really hate to admit things like that but it’s true. I had a list of all the IDs and passwords I need for every friggin website I need access to and, you guessed it, I lost it. My coolest new Tina Fey glasses I bought last summer? – no clue.

OK, so getting older does not have to mean we lose our minds. We just need little helpers (and funny how you quit being so critical of your own parents once you start to experience what they went through). On the finance front, I’ve had to do some dancing with bills and money that I never knew possible. My son is in college and his student loan program disappeared on him due to the banking crisis. So there I was last month, looking at a much bigger tuition bill that needed to be paid in five days or else he would have to skip the semester. What to do? Think, girlie, I said. Then he said something about car title loans, which I’ve seen on Cicero Avenue, and shuddered. No way!

But that’s when we went online and found Matteson Title Loans, a company that works with you entirely through the Internet. You fill out the form, give them your auto title information, you get approved almost instantly – and the money arrives the next day.

A car title loan was the smartest thing my college student son could come up with.  And he’ll never let me forget it, either.

By the way Matteson is also near Homwood, Flossmoor, Hazel Crest, Chicago Heights, and Glenwood.

Because I am a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like “Cumin” or “Tofu”. For all I know these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, should anyone expect me to pick up anything for which “feminine hygiene product” is a euphemism.

Sheesh. In my house, we really need to stick to our division of responsibilities. My wife, she’s good at her job, with the kids, with cooking and shopping. I’m in charge of the cars, household finances, the house and yard, the dog, and which brand of beer we keep on hand. All that and I work full time as well. We worked this arrangement out years ago.

So when we ran into a bad patch with money last year – medical emergencies, need I say more? – it was up to me to figure out what to do. Our credit cards were maxed, my commissions were down, we don’t have home equity because we bought the house in 2005, at the height of the market. And here in Homewood, it’s not like people talk much about what to do when the piggy bank is empty. I went on the Internet, searching for car title loans. But I didn’t want to have to go to one of those stores converted from a burger restaurant. What I found was online, Homewood Title Loans. They give you a car title loan based on the value of your paid-for car, and that was exactly our situation.

I got the money in a day, just beating the payment-due date by hours – and no shopping for tofu or tampons required.

By the way, Homewood is near Matteson, Olympia Fields, Hazel Crest, Markham, and Glenwood.

I like to golf, and here in Crete we have a couple of decent courses at Lincoln Oaks, Deer Creek and Lincolnshire Country Club. I used to golf a lot with my boss, who has four private club memberships, but that dried up when I got laid off last year. It was a downsizing, but I think it had more to do with that night we were on a trip to a convention in Atlanta and I went on my blonde jokes riff:

Q: What’s the difference between blondes and McDonald’s?
A: A blonde serves more people in a night.

Q: What happens when a blonde developes Alzheimers?
A: Her IQ goes up.

Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.

Q: What’s the guaranteed method to totally confuse a blonde ?
A: Ask her to alphabetize a King-size bag of M&Ms.

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.

I was unaware he was dumping his wife for this trophy chic he met at the Olympia Fields Country Club. Total blonde. Girls Next Door level blonde. Apparently everyone knew about this but me. Words to the wise: keep up on office gossip. It matters.

More words to the wise: know your financial options. I was coming up on some major dental work just when I got laid off. I needed about $3200, so I took out a car title loan at Crete Title Loans. My car is already paid for, I need it to job hunt AND I need a decent set of teeth if I’m going to be employable.

And in the future, I will let my boss tell all the jokes.

By the way Crete is near Tinley Park, Olympia Fields, Glenwood, Munster, and Matteson.

It’s getting harder and harder to survive in this economy. Last week my boss called me in to tell me I’m on probation. I guess I pissed off the Chairman’s admin with my response to her email THAT CAME WITH ALL UPPER CASE LETTERS IN THE SUBJECT LINE. She was asking me if I COULD FIX THE PHOTOCOPY MACHINE ASAP!!!!

My response was subtle. I just said IT’S GOOD SHE USED ALL UPPERCASE BECAUSE THE MAIL SERVICE PICKS IT UP AND FLAGS IT FOR RUSH DELIVERY, and YEAH, BECAUSE THERE’S ELECTRONICS IN A PHOTOCOPIER WE’RE COPIER REPAIR PEOPLE TOO.

Perhaps I could have phrased it differently.

It would suck to lose my job, in part because I live in East Hazel Crest and my job is on 183rd Street, a five minute commute. But I do have a back up in case an unemployment situation leaves me short of funds. In a pinch for money a year ago, I discovered I can get a car title loan through Country Club Hills Title Loans.

Car title loans are fast, easy and you get your money in one day. All you have to do for a title loans is to hold title to your car (no payments remaining). And you don’t have to type anything in all caps to get approved ASAP.

By the way Country Club Hills is near Tinley Park, Frankfort, Markham, Harvey, and Matteson.