This joke reminds me of my ex-wife:

Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: She manages to get the Pop Tarts out the toaster in one piece.

She had her good points, but cooking was not one of them. The killer was about a month before we got divorced she caused a kitchen fire frying an egg. An egg! A single, stinking egg. We went to restaurants on Thanksgiving.

So the divorce has been a little challenging (but I’m honestly eating better). She doesn’t really work, so the judge thought she needed some support. And dinners out, I guess. She got the house, the boat, the membership at Turnberry CC, and about half my income for the next three years. That’s ok, I’m fine with Crystal Lake CC. I kept the dog (for the sake of his diet).

I moved to a townhouse in Algonquin and needed money to furnish it, so I went to my bank and they turned me down. Thanks, honey pie. The credit cards are maxed out, too, so I had to get creative. The great thing is my car is paid for, so I looked into getting a car title loan. I would never consider this when you had to go to a public place and talk to someone through a plate glass window, but it’s all done online now. I chose Crystal Lake Title Loans because the application was easy and fast. My money was advanced electronically, in one day, so I could go and get some decent furniture, electronics and everything else I needed to set up a new home.

That includes a new toaster.

By the way Crystal Lake is near Huntley, Algonquin, Woodstock, McHenry, and Marengo.