I like to bring a flash light to the movies and just have all the rows move down for no reason.  I know it’s bad.  My friends think it’s funny, but my girlfriend says it “mortifies” her. She loves me.

She really got upset that time we were in the city and there was this mime guy doing his thing. I thought it was really embarrassing for him, so I stood up and did narration. She didn’t like that either.

But there is a reason she sticks with me. I’m a genius. Secretly, but a genius nonetheless. When she had a problem with money a few months ago, she wanted me to lend her $400.  I don’t have $400 sitting around, but I didn’t tell her that. I said, sure, but you will have to make me dinner every Friday night for a year as interest.  It totally worked.

I got the money off the value of my car.  I went the Wheaton Title Loans, where I got that cash in one day. So in the end, she is further convinced of my studliness and intellect, and I get a fine meal every Friday instead of me having to pay in a restaurant somewhere.

Next time someone gets out a flashlight at the Wheaton Grand Theater and asks you to move — say hi.

By the way Wheaton is near Warrenville, Winfield, Glen Ellyn, Lombard, and Naperville.

Did you hear about the new “Divorce Barbie”? It comes with all of Ken’s stuff.

Boy, don’t I know that one. My ex-wife didn’t look anything like a Barbie doll, but she got my stuff anyway. My boat, the Mini Cooper, the house and half the vacation house – for a while I thought I might have to go live in the Morton Arboretum.

I kept my Ticonderoga, which was a good thing. It’s paid for, and I use it to go everywhere. And now I use it to finance a loan — a car title loan, to be exact. I had knee surgery last summer, and even though I have good insurance I got stuck with a bunch of charges and the therapy wasn’t covered. So after the divorce and all the lawyer fees, I had to come up with $3300 bucks one month. That’s when I went online and found Lisle Title Loans. Unlike the car title loans stores you see in bad strip malls, this is easy, fast and your money arrives in one day. Got me through that scrape – and kinda made me laugh, thinking about how “Barbie” is still making payments on that Mini Cooper and can’t get this kind of loan.

By the way Lisle is near Naperville, Warrenville, Boling Brook, Downers Grove, and Hinsdale.