I think 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

See, I just did it.  And so too, I think, did my husband’s friend, who talked him into a dumb investment.  Two years ago, Lenny, the friend, had this idea of building little puppet trucks – I’m not making this up – that are little puppet theaters in a box, attached to the back of bicycles.  The puppeteers ride these bikes to any location where there is pedestrian traffic, do little shows (ha - they play music and the puppets basically dance to it, there’s no story line or talking or anything) and then people put money in the little jar that one of the puppets holds out. Lenny said he saw this in Europe and decided to franchise the idea. It was going to be the next McDonald’s, he said. He worked out some numbers that said we’d be millionaires in about six months.

They spent about $4000 on the bikes, the puppet boxes, puppets, music systems, and then ran ads on Craigslist trying to find employees.  No one applied.  OK, one strange little man did, but he was worried he might not be able to handle the bike.  He asked if we could do that for him.  Lenny thought maybe I, ME, would try it for a weekend.  At Oak Brook Center.  I’m so sure. The whole thing never took off.

Well, with the economic problems and a car repair, I wanted the $2000 back.  Too late — already spent.  So I went to Oak Brook Title Loans, a fast way to get cash when you need it.  A car title loans store works off the value of your car – not your puppet bikes – which can come in real handy. A car title loan is a sure thing, unlike other certain entrepreneurial concepts …

Anyone wanna buy a fleet of puppet theaters attached to bikes?

Oak Brook is also near, Hinsdale, Westmont, Downers Grove, Villa Park, and Elmhurst.

Did you hear about the new “Divorce Barbie”? It comes with all of Ken’s stuff.

Boy, don’t I know that one. My ex-wife didn’t look anything like a Barbie doll, but she got my stuff anyway. My boat, the Mini Cooper, the house and half the vacation house – for a while I thought I might have to go live in the Morton Arboretum.

I kept my Ticonderoga, which was a good thing. It’s paid for, and I use it to go everywhere. And now I use it to finance a loan — a car title loan, to be exact. I had knee surgery last summer, and even though I have good insurance I got stuck with a bunch of charges and the therapy wasn’t covered. So after the divorce and all the lawyer fees, I had to come up with $3300 bucks one month. That’s when I went online and found Lisle Title Loans. Unlike the car title loans stores you see in bad strip malls, this is easy, fast and your money arrives in one day. Got me through that scrape - and kinda made me laugh, thinking about how “Barbie” is still making payments on that Mini Cooper and can’t get this kind of loan.

By the way Lisle is near Naperville, Warrenville, Boling Brook, Downers Grove, and Hinsdale.

Here’s my advice to the men of world: Don’t get married, find a woman you hate and buy her a house. It’s a lot easier on you.

I did love my exwife for the year we dated. The 18 years we were actually married were another story. And now that the divorce is final, it just amazes me how I had to buy back my half of the house from her that my earnings paid for in the first place. And that doesn’t account for all that Ann Taylor Nieman Marcus Manolo Blahnik stuff she rang up on the AmEx all those years. She got herself a townhouse in Burr Ridge where she’s probably being a cougar to all the helpless young bucks there. Good riddance.

But I kept the cars: the Mercedes for work, and the SUV for weekends in Indiana (a guy can’t spend his whole life in Hinsdale if he’s smart). And oddly, those cars were a source of $5000 I needed for a little business investment during the divorce. I didn’t want anything technically on the books at that time so I took out a car title loan for the money. The great thing about car title loans – I went to Hinsdale Title Loans online – is that you get the cash in 24 hours. Which is what I needed.

I’m dating again. And that’s all the further it goes. Works for me. I can’t afford to buy my house a third time.

By the way Hinsdale is near Western Springs, La Grange, Countryside, Burr Ridge, and Willowbrook.

I’ve been job searching for about six months now.  In this economy, it’s pretty tough.  So my friend, Bubba, gave me some advice on what to say and not say in job interviews:

• Don’t ask if there is only one emergency exit, grin and say; ‘Boy!, I bet this floor would be in trouble if someone barricaded that.’
• Don’t constantly fidget with underwear waistband, then blurt: ‘The strawberry ones are the stickiest, don’t ya’ think?’
  
• After detailing your greatest achievement, don’t qualify with, ‘Of course I was totally hammered at the time.’
  
• Don’t claim you wouldn’t even need a day job if Al Einstein hadn’t stolen your secret patent for ‘2000 Flushes’.
  
• Don’t over-emphasize your ability to use a copier.

So far, I’ve stuck with this list.  But in the meantime, I needed to make some car repairs so I could actually go on interviews, and didn’t have $600 just lying around waiting for such things.  So I looked into car title loans on the Internet and found Downers Grove Title Loans, a great, easy place to find cash fast.  Now that you can get a car title loan on the internet, there’s no need to go to some slimey store and wait around for an approval.  The funds were transferred electronically to my bank account in a day, and I was able to make those repairs happen in time for my next interview.

By the way Downers Grove is near Westmont, Willowbrook, Woodridge, Hinsdale, and Glen Ellyn.