I like to bring a flash light to the movies and just have all the rows move down for no reason.  I know it’s bad.  My friends think it’s funny, but my girlfriend says it “mortifies” her. She loves me.

She really got upset that time we were in the city and there was this mime guy doing his thing. I thought it was really embarrassing for him, so I stood up and did narration. She didn’t like that either.

But there is a reason she sticks with me. I’m a genius. Secretly, but a genius nonetheless. When she had a problem with money a few months ago, she wanted me to lend her $400.  I don’t have $400 sitting around, but I didn’t tell her that. I said, sure, but you will have to make me dinner every Friday night for a year as interest.  It totally worked.

I got the money off the value of my car.  I went the Wheaton Title Loans, where I got that cash in one day. So in the end, she is further convinced of my studliness and intellect, and I get a fine meal every Friday instead of me having to pay in a restaurant somewhere.

Next time someone gets out a flashlight at the Wheaton Grand Theater and asks you to move — say hi.

By the way Wheaton is near Warrenville, Winfield, Glen Ellyn, Lombard, and Naperville.

If you had to specify, in one word, why the human race has not, and will never achieve its full potential, that word would be meetings.

Yes, I work in corporate America. I catch the Metra to go downtown every day, work my tail off, then train it home at night. And it used to be the meetings were just in the office. But now we have these extended IMs on our blackberries that make that work day last even longer. Once I was so caught up in a text exchange I missed my stop and rode halfway out to Elburn.

None of that, all those meetings, all that hard work, mattered recently when I had to come up with extra cash to cover one of my kids’ tuition when her student loan program was suspended. It was either pay the tuition in cash, or she’d miss the semester entirely. I needed $5000 and, to my surprise, I found it in a car title loan.

Car title loans are a good source for emergency cash. I was able to work with Lombard Title Loans to get money fast, in time to get my daughter registered the next day. Their forms were simple, all online, easy to use — the process took less time than the typical meeting.

By the way Lombard is near Glen Ellyn, Elmhurst, Villa Park, Gledale Heights, and Carol Stream.

I had a good job with good authority.  But then I learned what they say, if you think you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.

Which has kinda been my situation since losing my job last year.  My wife works still, thankfully, and when the kids are off at school it’s just me and the neighbor’s dog and the fish.  The fish pretty much keeps to himself (herself?), but that dog  has a mind of his own.

I also found that my finances were more in control of me than me of them. We could keep the regular expenses covered with my wife’s income and what severance and unemployment I was drawing, but then we got hit with one thing after another.  The cards were maxed out and I didn’t have the money needed to fix my car — what I needed to go on job interviews.  That’s when I did something people don’t talk about much in DuPage County.  I searched on the internet for a car title loan.

I’m here to say it’s a smart strategy under certain circumstances.  I’m using my car to fix my car.  And it was a relatively pain free process: I went to Glen Ellyn Title Loans online, a car title loans company that gets you your cash in under 24 hours, electronically transferred into your checking account.  I’d recommend it to anyone — even my dog.

By the way Glen Ellyn is near Lombard, Wheaton, Carol Stream, Addison, and Villa Park.

My boss at my old job brought in this motivational speaker for the sales staff.  Which is such b.s. because he’d give all the best accounts to his chippie, the blonde he was hot for even though she was only working him for that.

Anyway, during the seminar at the Ramada on North Avenue the speaker was extolling the importance of “following your dreams.” I couldn’t help myself, I just blurted out, “except for that one where you’re naked at work.”  Which I honestly didn’t think was so bad – it definitely was one of as the lighter moments of that day. But I got pink slipped the next week.

This did not come at a good time.  I was getting socked with some medical bills and then the refrigerator went out.  My severance and unemployment weren’t enough to cover everything, and my credit cards were maxed as was my home equity loan.  So I went to the Internet and found Glendale Heights Title Loans, a car title loan company. They are so easy to work with – I was able to get that money in a day, in time to go take advantage of a sale at Abt.

Now, at my new job, I zip the lip in front of the boss.  So much easier this way.

By the way Glendale Heights is near Carol Stream, Roselle, Addison, Glen Ellyn, and Lombard.

I’ve been job searching for about six months now.  In this economy, it’s pretty tough.  So my friend, Bubba, gave me some advice on what to say and not say in job interviews:

• Don’t ask if there is only one emergency exit, grin and say; ‘Boy!, I bet this floor would be in trouble if someone barricaded that.’
• Don’t constantly fidget with underwear waistband, then blurt: ‘The strawberry ones are the stickiest, don’t ya’ think?’
  
• After detailing your greatest achievement, don’t qualify with, ‘Of course I was totally hammered at the time.’
  
• Don’t claim you wouldn’t even need a day job if Al Einstein hadn’t stolen your secret patent for ’2000 Flushes’.
  
• Don’t over-emphasize your ability to use a copier.

So far, I’ve stuck with this list.  But in the meantime, I needed to make some car repairs so I could actually go on interviews, and didn’t have $600 just lying around waiting for such things.  So I looked into car title loans on the Internet and found Downers Grove Title Loans, a great, easy place to find cash fast.  Now that you can get a car title loan on the internet, there’s no need to go to some slimey store and wait around for an approval.  The funds were transferred electronically to my bank account in a day, and I was able to make those repairs happen in time for my next interview.

By the way Downers Grove is near Westmont, Willowbrook, Woodridge, Hinsdale, and Glen Ellyn.

My brother is blinded by blondes. I swear, he has dated at least half of every blonde bimbo in DuPage County. If you put them all in a room together, the noise would be bimbabble. If you told them the sky was down, they’d be bimbaffled. They all wear bimbait (short skirts, sheer blouses, etc.). He meets them at the Bimbars in Naperville.

He’s just as dumb when it comes to finances. He was all bent out of shape a few months ago because he had a major car repair bill on his Saab Turbo (it seems the Turbos cost about $5000 to replace) right when he was trying to buy a house. He was stretched really thin, didn’t want to run up big charges on his cards because of how it would affect his credit rating. Yet he was in no position to buy a new car, either.

I told him he needs to leverage his car’s value with a car title loan. He had never heard of car title loans. I sent him to Carol Stream Title Loans, because they allow you to do it online. You just enter your info, you get approved in like minutes (“like minutes,” gawd, I’m sound like one of his bimboettes!), and your money comes in the next day. He took the car right down to the shop, got it fixed, and went on a date. Waste no time blondeless.

Lucky for him he has a smart (brunette, of course) sister.

By the way Carol Stream is near Glendale Heights, Bloomingdale, Winfield, Glen Ellyn, and Lombard.

My hunky husband is great to look at. Etcetera. And I’m a happy woman. But no one pretends he’s the sharpest knife in the drawer. When we were first dating, I told him I would only engage in safe sex. His response? “You mean that’s when we lock the door?”

So needless to say, he’s also not the breadwinner around the house. Typically, that’s my job. And it doesn’t hurt that I’m a lawyer. Except late last year I was laid off and in this economy my area of specialization doesn’t offer a lot of jobs. Before we could manage costs down to what we could afford, the bills got ahead of me. I was determined not to let my credit rating go into the toilet because of this temporary situation.

So one month when payments due were about $2500 greater than available funds, the big lunk actually had a good idea. A friend of his at his gym on Army Trail Road in Glendale Heights had used Bloomingdale Title Loans to get cash from his car. My Chrysler is paid for, so I have value in it – but I wasn’t about to sell it because I’ll obviously need it when I get a new job. I went to their online application, filled it out in about ten minutes, and in a day I had the cash needed to cover the bills. A car title loan makes sense sometimes under special circumstances.

I’m working part time again in Chicago and paying off that loan just fine. And with more time at home, I get to enjoy my marriage a little more. With the door locked, and sometimes not .

By the way Bloomingdale is near Glendale Heights, Carol Stream, Glen Ellyn, Lombard, and Wheaton.